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Make tea, not war. ~Monty Python
I have found that after a loved one passes away it can be the "little things" that cause large fights among the survivors. One of the issues that can result in hurt feelings on the death of a parent is the parent's neglecting to effectively gift the family's personal property. Personal property can be valuable - like an art collection - or it can be sentimental and of little value - like the cracked teapot Mom used every day. It's a shame that one sister's receipt of the cracked teapot may cause hard feelings for years, but how can this situation be avoided?
If you take the time to decide who gets what during your life, and you communicate this to your children or other loved ones, it goes a long way toward preventing hard feelings - even if Susie doesn't get the beloved teapot. For some reason, when Susie knows it was Mom who gave the teapot to her sister, and not the sister taking it before Susie arrived at the house, that makes a difference Susie can live with.
Most families' houses have masses of personal items - do you need to inventory and assign takers for all of it? Of course not! But it is wise to make sure that all of your close family members receive a meaningful gift. If the items are valuable, you might want to try to equalize the value among your children. Many parents just ask their kids to tell them if there is anything in the house they would wish to receive. This also prevents the treasured items being disposed of in a tag sale!
Once you have determined who gets what, write it down. It is advisable to date and sign the list so it is clear which is the most recent list, and that one should control. But this list is not a Will and it is not a Trust. Is it legally enforceable? Probably not. No one will be able to bring that list to court and prove the ownership of any item. Still, the existence of the list usually quells the angst among squabbling siblings. They know it was Mom or Dad who made the list and they accept it.
If the items have significant value or if it is otherwise very important for you to know that your wishes will be followed and a court would enforce them, there are two possibilities. First, if you have a Will, you can list items of personal property and name the individuals who will receive the items after your death. This document is legally enforceable. However, in the future, to change the terms of your Will, you must draft and sign a Codicil to the Will with the same signing and witnessing requirements as used for the original Will. This is cumbersome and so probably not a good solution for the many chotchkes in your family room. NOTE: If you simply take a pen and write changes on your Will, those changes are NOT legally enforceable.
If you have a living trust, the trust can refer to an outside document. This is one of the benefits of using a trust in your estate plan. The trust will also say that if your list cannot be found, or if any item was not included on the list, then dispose of those items as follows: (Here you might say, "in substantially equal shares to my children as they agree, or if they cannot agree within 60 days, then as my trustee determines.") Because your list is now legally enforceable, you can use it for large and small items and make revisions as often as needed without needing to amend your trust.
Note: This column provides general information related to the law designed to help readers understand their own legal needs. This column does not provide legal advice. Please consult a lawyer if you want legal advice. No attorney-client or confidential relationship exists or will be formed between the reader and the author of this column.
Make tea, not war. ~Monty Python
I have found that after a loved one passes away it can be the "little things" that cause large fights among the survivors. One of the issues that can result in hurt feelings on the death of a parent is the parent's neglecting to effectively gift the family's personal property. Personal property can be valuable - like an art collection - or it can be sentimental and of little value - like the cracked teapot Mom used every day. It's a shame that one sister's receipt of the cracked teapot may cause hard feelings for years, but how can this situation be avoided?
If you take the time to decide who gets what during your life, and you communicate this to your children or other loved ones, it goes a long way toward preventing hard feelings - even if Susie doesn't get the beloved teapot. For some reason, when Susie knows it was Mom who gave the teapot to her sister, and not the sister taking it before Susie arrived at the house, that makes a difference Susie can live with.
Most families' houses have masses of personal items - do you need to inventory and assign takers for all of it? Of course not! But it is wise to make sure that all of your close family members receive a meaningful gift. If the items are valuable, you might want to try to equalize the value among your children. Many parents just ask their kids to tell them if there is anything in the house they would wish to receive. This also prevents the treasured items being disposed of in a tag sale!
Once you have determined who gets what, write it down. It is advisable to date and sign the list so it is clear which is the most recent list, and that one should control. But this list is not a Will and it is not a Trust. Is it legally enforceable? Probably not. No one will be able to bring that list to court and prove the ownership of any item. Still, the existence of the list usually quells the angst among squabbling siblings. They know it was Mom or Dad who made the list and they accept it.
If the items have significant value or if it is otherwise very important for you to know that your wishes will be followed and a court would enforce them, there are two possibilities. First, if you have a Will, you can list items of personal property and name the individuals who will receive the items after your death. This document is legally enforceable. However, in the future, to change the terms of your Will, you must draft and sign a Codicil to the Will with the same signing and witnessing requirements as used for the original Will. This is cumbersome and so probably not a good solution for the many chotchkes in your family room. NOTE: If you simply take a pen and write changes on your Will, those changes are NOT legally enforceable.
If you have a living trust, the trust can refer to an outside document. This is one of the benefits of using a trust in your estate plan. The trust will also say that if your list cannot be found, or if any item was not included on the list, then dispose of those items as follows: (Here you might say, "in substantially equal shares to my children as they agree, or if they cannot agree within 60 days, then as my trustee determines.") Because your list is now legally enforceable, you can use it for large and small items and make revisions as often as needed without needing to amend your trust.
Note: This column provides general information related to the law designed to help readers understand their own legal needs. This column does not provide legal advice. Please consult a lawyer if you want legal advice. No attorney-client or confidential relationship exists or will be formed between the reader and the author of this column.
